The Apostles vs The Alcohol
by The Black Maiden
Summary: Stella, Grey, and Gold Saw introduce our favorite seven aliens to the delightful earth drink known as alcohol. Oh, this is not gonna end well. ONESHOT, GAMEVERSE, Mentions MZMA/SZZU and LLWO/MEFE


**Hi. Another story, and it hasn't even been one day. I already uploaded today. I should probably be resting, since I have the flu, but I had to get this out there. Another story about the the seven Apostles, of course. Funny, silly, and at points just plain stupid. All in all, a total BLAST to write!**

**So first off, I'm not 21, yet. I'm not saying just HOW old I am, but I'm not at the legal drinking age. So, I have never tasted alcohol. That means I had to do a lot of reserch on this. I read on Yahoo answers that Everclear is the strongest type of alcohol (95% pure alcohol) and decided to go with it.**

**So, the Apostles want to fit in on our planet, their going to need to get a taste of what the human adults drink. Naturally, we've entrusted Black Gold Saw with the task of introducing them to the thing that is an alcoholic beverage.**

**...I hope I haven't just put gasoline in the hands of an arsonist.**

* * *

><p>Stella held the door open as the other six members of her party walked into the small, wooden room. Across one wall, there was a bar set up with traditional stools that will probably start compressing your spine if you sit on them too long, as well as a few tables and booths scattered here and there. There were other rooms, too, but the doors to them were closed.<p>

"So…why are we here again?" Shizu asked.

Grey smirked. "We figured, since the lot of you has never had a decent shot of rum, we might get one of our friends to help you out."

"So that's why Kali wasn't allowed to come?" Nafhe added.

Stella nodded.

"Well I'll be! Stella Grey? Nana? Haven't seen you two since the god damn world blew up!"

They all looked to the bar to see a woman with long black hair, red eyes, and red horns leaning on the bar. Stella and Grey both walked over and gave her fist-bumps.

"Hey, Gold Saw." Stella said with a smile.

"Was sup, Goldie?" Grey added.

Gold Saw laughed a bit, and then asked them "So, you chick's want the usual?"

"Not tonight, Goldie." Grey replied, sitting on one of the stools and putting her feet op on the bar. "Tonight, we're entertaining."

Gold Saw looked to the door. "Ah, I see we've got guests."

"They've never drank before, so we were hoping to start them out a bit.

Gold Saw smirked. "Oh, I'll do more than that." She disappeared under the bar for a few seconds, before coming up with a bottle of something tan and seven beer cups. She popped the bottle cap off and poured the drink into the seven cups, sliding them across the bar when she was done.

"Now this stuff, I guarantee, will get you drunk."

Mazuma was the first one to reach for the stuff, with Shizu, who was clinging to his arm, following close behind. He looked at the tan-ish liquid for a few seconds, then took a sip and started coughing.

"What the hell is this stuff?" He asked.

"All you need to know is that it will not give you cancer…I think." Gold Saw replied.

…

"WUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Grey squealed to the heavens as she slammed her empty cup on the bar once again. "'Nother round, Goldie!"

Gold Saw, who was extremely drunk herself, poured about half the serving amount into Grey's cup. The other half ended up drizzled across the floor.

Poor Nafhe had face-downed on the bar after a mere 2½ drinks. It just goes to show that some should not have alcohol.

Lirio and Mii were making out in a booth in the back. What happened after that…will forever be a mystery as the author has censored it.

Gold Saw ended up having a screaming contest with Stella:

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH-"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGH-"

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH-"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGH-"

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH-"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGH-"

But to a passing bystander it would have sounded like:

"AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOGH-"

Mazuma was singing at the top of his lungs:

_I LOVE ROCKY ROAD!_

_HOW MUCH YOU GONNA BUY? HALF A GALLON, BABY!_

_I LOVE ROCKEY ROAD!_

_SO HAVE ANOTHER TRIPPLE SCOUP WITH ME!_

And immediately after that, he threw up on the floor and passed out on one of the tables.

Shizu was standing up on a chair and screaming at the top of her lungs:

"3.1 4 1 5 9 2 6 5 3 5 8 9 7 9 3 2 3 8 4 6 2 6 4 3 3 8 3 2 7 9 5 0 2 8 8 4 1 9 7 1 6 9 3 9 9 3 7 5 1 0 5 8 2 0 9 7 4 9 4 4 5 9 2 3 0 7 8 1 6 4 0 6 2 8 6 2 0 8 9 9 8 6 2 8 0 3 4 8 2 5 3 4 2 1 1 7 0 6 7 9 -!"

Until she passed out, fell of the chair, and landed next to Mazuma on the table.

"Is ya' afsk meh, briggn' themz here whas a prenny goof ida, huh?" Grey asked her sister in a drunken slur.

Stella just nodded, feeling like she was about to faint. Of course, about three seconds later, she _did _faint. She slid right off the chair and onto the floor.

Grey squealed again and stood up on the bar. "HAPPY HANIKA, EVERYONE!" She screamed before she, too, passed out on the floor.

…

"Ugh…Oh, my head…" Mazuma groaned as he started to wake up. God, his mattress felt hard-

Oh, wait…

He opened his eyes slowly before realizing they were all still in Gold Saw's bar, and that he had just spent the night on the table.

He turned over on his side and found Shizu sleeping right next to him, her cheeks slightly flushed and her hair a complete mess.

"_But other than that, it's almost a normal morning."_ He thought. He reached out and stroked her cheek. _"Even when she's drunk she looks beautiful asleep."_

Shizu stirred a bit, before turning on her side and snuggling into Mazuma's chest. He smiled, despite his headache, and wrapped one arm around her.

After a few minutes, she began to stir.

"Mm. Moring." She muttered through his shirt.

"Morning." He said back.

She inhaled deeply a couple of times, before looking up at him and saying "You smell terrible."

Mazuma couldn't help but burst out laughing.

They both sat up, trying to stretch the stiffness out of their shoulders, necks, and backs. Shizu looked around, blinking a couple of times, before asking him "Did we just spend the night sleeping on a table in a bar?"

"I guess." He replied, massaging a particularly stubborn knot out of his neck.

Shizu starred at him a couple of seconds, before scooting over closer to him and massaging his shoulders. "There, how's that feel?"

"Amazing!" He sighed, before turning to look at his girlfriend out of the corner of his eye. "You, my dear, have magic hands."

Shizu smiled. "I try."

Now, at this point, Stella decided to stir from her state of unconsciousness. She groaned and picked herself up off the floor, staggering a bit as she tried to find her footing. She really hated drinking, but her sister was a grade-A alcoholic, so she did it just to humor her.

She looked up to see that Mazuma and Shizu were already awake, and trying to recover from their hangovers. Lirio and Mii were no where to be found, Nafhe was still planking on the bar, and Grey hung upside down from the bar by her legs and was snoring a bit.

Stella walked over…or, dragged herself over…to Grey and shook her a bit. "Nana, wake up."

Nothing happened.

"Nana!"

Still nothing.

Stella sighed. "Nana, I'm making bacon pancakes."

That did it.

Grey sat up in a drunken frenzy, snorting a bit and flailing wildly. "I want twelve! Save me twelve!"

"Is she alright?" Stella turned to see Shizu and Mazuma coming up behind her, still a little wobbly on their feet.

"She's fine. This is how I get her up when she's hungover."

When Grey finally came back to her senses, she looked around and saw with disappointment that there was no bacon and no pancakes, which is a sad thing in itself. And realizing that she was hanging upside down from a bar by her legs with her face now smushed against the floor did nothing to help her, either.

"Oh, it's you." She said when she saw the two Apostles and her sister.

"Yes, it's us. You know; the people who seemed to have laughed in the face of death and got smacked back for it." Mazuma replied.

"Hey, save me your attitude, buddy, I got enough of my own!" Grey whipped back.

Mazuma growled but didn't say anything.

"By the way, anyone seen Mii and Lirio?" Shizu asked.

"Huh, I think I saw them go in here…" Mazuma mumbled as he opened a door to a supply closet…

And screamed and closed it again.

"My eyes! My eyes! Oh god, it BURNS!" He shouted as he leaned against the wall and Shizu rushed over to comfort him.

"I guess that answers more than one question." Grey muttered. Stella nodded in agreement.

"Where's Gold Saw…?" Stella mumbled as she climbed over the bar, and over a very out-of-it Nafhe. She found Gold Saw sprawled across the floor, wine bottles capping her horns and beer dried on her jacket in splotches.

Stella grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back over the bar (and Nafhe), which ended in her head actually _hitting _the bar (and Nafhe) and her (and Nafhe) being pulled strait over the bar and onto the floor.

Good thing that seemed to wake her up (even if it did less than nothing for Nafhe)

"Ow…God damn it, Shooter, what the hell-"

"Gold Saw, what exactly did you give us last night? That didn't taste like the starter." Stella asked.

Gold Saw groaned and pointed to her horn.

Stella pulled the bottle off and examined it, her face soon twisting into anger.

"Everclear? You gave EVERCLEAR to BEGINERS?" She smacked the older girl on the head. "What were you thinking? You could have killed them!"

"Yeah, but they lived, didn't they?"

"More or less." Shizu replied.

…

Zaha glanced up from his book as he heard the door open. In walked the remaining five Apostles; or, four of them were walking. Nafhe was being dragged by Shizu.

Zaha went back to his book. "So, did you all have fun?"

His question was answered by Mazuma flopping down on the couch and groaning loudly. "I am never touching alcohol again."

"I second the motion." Lirio added, collapsing in a chair.

"Estroy de acuerdo." Mii said, stretching.

"You said it." Replied Shizu, dropping Nafhe on the other couch and flopping next to Mazuma.

The group sat in silence for a wile before Zaha noticed he had a new e-mail on his computer. He got up and opened the new message, which was titled "Damage Control."

Slowly, he began to read it.

_Time: 9:43 A.M._

_To: Zahatheseventhapostle(at)hazama .net _

_From: Kingsawsmaster(at)hazama .net_

_Subject: Damage Control_

_Hi, Zaha. I'm Black Gold Saw. I own the bar that was visited last night by your Apostles. Don't get me wrong, I had a hell of a lot of fun, but when I finally came to my senses, I noticed a lot of stuff in the bar, especially in one of the supply closets, has been destroyed beyond repair. Don't worry, I won't sue you, I wouldn't get anything out of it anyways. I was thinking about grabbing hold of my weapon, King Saw, and doing the same to YOUR home, but I decided not to._

_So instead, I sent the bill. It's in the attachments._

_;)_

The others had all been passing around a bottle of Advil while this was happening, and happened to look over at Zaha. He had opened the attachment that contained said bill, and now both his eyes were really wide and his eyebrow was doing this weird twitchy thing that was starting to get really unnerving.

So just to be nice, Mazuma stood up and set down the bottle of Advil on the table next to his leader, then he and all the others proceeded to get the heck out of there and go back to their rooms as fast as they could, and recover from their hangovers there.

Because let's face it: an angry Zaha is worse than any hangover.

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><p><strong>How much do you think the damages cost? <strong>

**I hope you all caught that little easter egg I threw in about the supply closet. No? Well here: Lirio and Mii dissappeared at some point in the night, and poor Mazuma found them in one of the supply closets...doing something I won't say 'cause I'll get in trouble. Gold Saw mentioned a lot of stuf IN ONE OF THE SUPPLY CLOSETS had been destroyed...Now do you get it? You'll figure it out.**

**Also, stupid fanfiction filters kept thinking that Zaha's and Gold Saw's e-mails were actuall existing adresses, which their not. So, to keep them in, I had to write out at insted of putting down the at sign.**

**And now we also all know not to trust Gold Saw with alcohol. She is scary.**

**And now, I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm going to bed. Bye bye!**


End file.
